Most readers probably, like myself, read through the article linked above with a weary sigh and a tired roll of the eyes. When will people representing institutions that are commonly thought of as being arbiters of some sort of morality or other stop coming out with the tired, hackneyed and sterotype-driven victim blaming in regards to injustice suffered by more vulnerable groups in society?
To be clear here, I’m not talking about “all women” being by default more vulnerable; but I think it can be agreed that women who are experiencing unlawful assaults and psychological abuse on a frequent basis from someone they can’t help loving and caring about (or maybe just can’t afford to leave) are definitely vulnerable to a more marked extent than they would be otherwise.
The priest mentions all the classic slut-shaming tropes; provocative dress, slovenliness, difficulty in coping with childcare responsibilities, uppity-ness and the desire for personal independence. Not a single one of these things is unlawful. Assaulting a person because they behave in any of these ways is. You (and I’m talking to the stubborn handful of men, represented across a staggering diversity of communities across the globe, not the vast majority of reasonable men who I genuinely hope can read this piece and not feel attacked) behave violently when you have the choice to simply walk away and never come back. Unless you love her and can’t leave her, in which case get some help, because if you love this apparent slovenly slag monster so much, there’s more than just one screw loose in your own brain.
Idiots like this renegade priest feed you with the manure required to fire up your engines for another day of getting back into her face and trying to “correct” her ways. I hate to break it to you fellas, but you owning a penis doesn’t make you the daddy she probably disliked beyond belief as a youngster; you have no responsibility to look after her if you don’t like how she lives her life, or how she thinks and feels, and if you don’t feel bad when you see her hurt by your controlling behaviours or necessary “corrective” actions then get the absolute fuck out of Dodge, mate. Because you’re a fucking monster.
People like you – men who hit women because they don’t like their (completely lawful) behaviour, men who attempt to psychologically “punish” and “correct” women because they don’t like their (completely lawful) behaviour – are examples of the lowest and most cretinous personality types that society has to offer. I bet there’s not a lone, successful, happy achiever amongst you. Your daily failures grind and grind away, as you spend each waking hour falling shorter and shorter of the person you always dreamed you would be when you were younger and still had hope. A person with any notable amount of self-esteem does not have to stoop to hitting or psychologically tormenting the person they would also like to have sex with. You’re either a sociopath, or a loser who can only feel successful within the tiny space and limited company offered within the four walls you call home.
Stop listening to these enabling idiots spouting the same old mantras that insinuate that you men are all too stupid to know where the front door is, and how to exit if she’s making you feel like hurting her. If she makes you feel like hurting or controlling her, and you simultaneously can’t be without her or stand to leave, then you have a responsibility to understand that you are being influenced by deep emotion that contains hatred, and there is more than a good chance that it is coming out in horrible ways that you don’t intend and are unable to perceive. You should leave anyway. You’re not helping, and you’ll destroy either her or yourself, and everything you ever thought you might have had.
This isn’t about who did the dishes, who wore what, or how late anyone stayed out. They’re ridiculous excuses drummed up by people who do not want to take personal responsibility for their actions, who feel jealous, weak and underappreciated, and cannot turn the spotlight upon themselves and their own failures; and instead attack those around them with violence and controlling behaviours.
And (back to the idiot Priest) no amount of thumping your Bible on the subject is going to magically rearrange the words within into a divine edict for you personally, Mr Righteous Angry Man, to physically hurt her or attempt to become invasive and controlling with her property or social life.